i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
