Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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