We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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