I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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