Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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