You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
