I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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