I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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