I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
