filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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