My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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