my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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