Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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