so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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