So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i now understand why vodka
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
