Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
