my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
