I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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