we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
