My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
