who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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