ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
