is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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