your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
