i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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