I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
