Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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