so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
