forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
