someone threw a dead crab at me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
