Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
