I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
