Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
