It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
