Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
