:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
