I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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