Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
