the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
