quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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