hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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