Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
