Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
