It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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