and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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