Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
