if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
