my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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