so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
