i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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