Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am spending my child support on dildos
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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