Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
