I'm drive I can fine osifer
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
